From the department of evangelical conference warm-up acts is this mock list of Obama’s New Year’s resolutions, read by the Faith & Freedom Coalition Executive Director Gary Marx Saturday night at the conference’s closing banquet in downtown Washington D.C.

“It seems that the president may see the writing on the wall from November’s election,” Marx said. “And so I thought I’d share some of them with you. So here are Barack Obama’s 2013 New Year’s resolutions.”