Speculation about God's will in rape cases also raises a ticklish theological question -- what kind of god do candidates who don't allow for abortion under any circumstance, including the life of the mother, believe they're paying lip service to?

Over the years, we've heard about a deity who countenances the invasion of Muslim countries and the forced conversion of its leaders from the likes of "believers" like Ann Coulter. We've heard about the god who hates abortion but loves capital punishment. We hear that he even gives absolution to the killers of abortion doctors even though they're effectively murdering full-grown fetuses.

When this god isn't violating his own commandments, it is bestowing every true follower of the American Way with material goods while cursing the unfaithful foreigner with poverty. This god has proven itself small enough to fit into the back pocket of any political party willing to evoke its blessings.

If this god were to speak from its pyramid-shaped throne on the back of a dollar bill, it would say the following:

"I am the god of the 1 percent. You shall have no other gods before me. I help those who help themselves and visit poverty over many generations to those who would redistribute the wealth that I have freely given to those who luxuriate without guilt in my love. I reward the spirit of material excess because I hate poverty and the poor who have rejected my ways.