The war on Christmas is real. So real, in fact, that it’s caused Santa Claus to go nearly insane. And the law isn’t cutting him any slack. This proves that the War on Christmas is a very well-organized plot. The stress has caused Jolly Ole’ St. Nick to become a corrupt, desperate, drunken shell of his former self. This is truly the end of the world.

As reported by ABC News:

Case 1: Santa Desperately Attempts to Spread the Christmas Message by Writing it at the Texas State Capitol

Texas isn’t known for its tolerance. We even arrest Santa Claus if he acts up. A desperate Santa, in trying to do everything he could to fight the War on Christmas, was caught chalking holiday wishes at the Texas State Capitol grounds in Austin, Texas with some children and their parents.

He defiantly told officers “I’m an American! I’m Santa Claus!” Shocked bystanders demanded to know why Santa was being arrested, but the officers offered no comment. Unfortunately, a loyal elf scrawled “Free Santa” on the sidewalk, and joined Santa behind bars. Santa was also charged with evading arrest.