The “Children of Mary,” a group of nuns in Ohio, has released a video that is a kind of one-stop shopping trip for insane ideas about birth control. If you can’t bring yourself to waste 13 minutes of your life watching it (and we do not blame you at all if you decide to skip it), here are the main points:
- Contraception makes men gay. Fertile women exude pheromones that make them super-attractive, the Pill makes a lady’s body think it’s pregnant, so no more pheromones! This is all proven by “studies.” Including one on monkeys, where an alpha male stopped sexing lady monkeys when they were given a contraceptive. We do not know what kind of monkeys they were; the video shows chimps, which are not monkeys at all. But this is all very scientific so far.
Also, “studies have shown” that because of all those pheromones, “men are more attracted to more average, fertile women than they are even to super models.” (Does the video say anything about fertile super models? It does not! We bet they are SUPER-sexy!) Even granting the video’s loopy premise that men are less attracted to non-fertile women (which we do not), there is maybe a difference between “less attracted” and “not attracted at all” — presumably people use these contraceptive thingies for some purpose having to do with sex? We suspect that this whole question of pheromonal attractiveness may be immaterial, since studies have also shown that men will happily put their peens into many things that are not ladies at all, as proven by Emergency Room records. And by South Carolina.*